If you don’t know what Im talking about get on your knees and thank GOD in heaven. Murder is horrific, rage is bad but suicidal thoughts are utterly debilitating. How do you learn to hate yourself so bad all you can think of is how to stop the pain? It’s one reason alcohol has such an advantage and I don’t even want to mention opioids, fentanyl and beyond. The pain of self destructive thoughts are far beyond the physical body. I have known both physical suffering and I have had a death wish most of my life. But I’m LIVING proof there is Hope beyond the pain. There is a Purpose and a plan for your life! YAY you found this story…Somebody loves you!
Practically speaking if you are having suicidal thoughts clearly something is wrong. You must accept that your thoughts are not reasonable. I really hate to say that because you are already down on yourself. But it is the first step in healing. Seek professional help. If you don’t feel safe with one ask for a different one. Over a thirty year span I saw counselors and psychiatrists. In the mean time I went to college got a Psych degree so I could get a clue why I had NO self esteem. When I first started into counseling I had been so brain washed I did not realize that being sexually molested by 3 men, over almost 2 decades and the prolific amount of pornography I had experienced had fundamentally changed my brain activities. My mind could make no sense of the abuse. These events and magazines had stolen my life.
The good news is you can right here right now know that YOUR STORY matters to God. In fact it matters to me. If you need to talk email me at email@example.com. I don’t sleep much so try anytime. I accept prayer requests. My privilege to pray for you or someone you love. If FB is easier just Magnetic Women with a mailbox picture.
One thing I could not have survived without was a physical Bible. Surprise yourself with the best gift you’ll ever get yourself. These are stories about imperfect people who learned to lean on God. I guarantee you won’t understand it all, BUT it Speaks and it speaks LOUD. Listen with your heart.
Revelation 3:20 (NKJV)
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”
8 ¶ Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there isany virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.